The Safe Abortion Project

The other day, Steph Herold (founder of IAmDrTiller.com) released the Safe Abortion Project, a response to the recent Kermit Gosnell case. The message is clear: women deserve better than Gosnell and there are not nearly as many Gosnells in abortion care as antis would like you to think.

Women went to Gosnell's clinic for a reason. Some went to him because he was less expensive. Others went to him because it allowed them to dodge restrictive abortion laws. Some simply did not know about the awful conditions at the clinic. One of the clinic workers in the video makes a great point; had this been any other kind of medical facility, people would know not to go there. Why? Because with (almost) any other type of surgery or treatment, people will freely speak about their experiences. If a person has a bad experience at a clinic, they will tell people. They will go to their friends, their family, and even the internet to get the message out that you should not go to this clinic. This is not true for abortion. Women are shamed into silence. Women do not feel welcome to tell their friends, family, and the internet about their positive or negative abortion experiences if they please. Abortion is one of the most common medical procedures, yet no one speaks of it.


I implore Herold and the other people who are working on this project. Not only will this project raise awareness that most providers are not like Gosnell, but it will also help women find safe clinics to receive abortion care so they do not end up in the same position that Gosnell's patients were. The six principles of the Safe Abortion Project really say it all:

1. Historically, women will do whatever it takes to end a pregnancy they feel they cannot carry to term, including risk their lives.
2. If full insurance coverage for abortion were available, poor women and girls would not have to settle for the least expensive medical care.
3. Until abortion services in the United States are fully accessible to poor women, women will be vulnerable to those who seek to exploit their poverty with unsafe practices.
4. In a nation where more than 1 in 3 women will have an abortion at some point in her life, the culture of silent shame that surrounds the decision to end a pregnancy allows those who would provide poor quality and sometimes dangerous care to thrive.
5. Until abortion services are affordable and accessible to all women who need care, women will continue to be vulnerable to exploitation and harm by those who offer substandard, dangerous care.
6. Strict laws limiting women and girls’ safe access to abortion care does nothing to protect women.

Thank you so much, Steph, for doing this!

The Easy Way Out

If you're an activist and at all like me, you probably get tired sometimes. Not tired of being an activist, but tired of how far behind the world seems to be at times. It can be painful to realize how much further we must go and how much work we have to do until all women are treated as persons. It is exhausting to hear people vehemently supporting hatred and violence against women. At times I am tormented by the thought of these people; how can anyone be like that? How can anyone do this? I'm going to be honest; it hurts me.


For much of my life I have been a musician first and foremost. I never thought I could be as or more passionate about anything else until I found pro-choice activism. When I found activism, I found my home. I found my place in this world. Activism, however, is not easy. Being an activist means being very closely involved in what is wrong in this world. Otherwise, we wouldn't change anything. Being involved in all that is nasty, unequal, wrong, screwed up, and depressing is not always fun. It can make you uneasy and, for some, it may be damaging. Still, even in all of this, activism is beautiful. In all of its imperfections, pain, and sometimes even hopelessness, there is something inside of me that is telling me that I am doing the right thing, that I can make a difference. Even though activism is not and never will be easy, I will not die without having done something in this world. I refuse to.


Activism requires a good deal of sacrifice. It means standing up for all people, instead of just your own. It means recognizing the fact that you have privilege and, instead of trampling over those who have less privilege, uplifting their voices. It means being a bit of a rebel and thinking of someone other than yourself. If it were all about me, I'd give up all of my human and animal rights activism right now. After all, if it's all about me, why expend so much energy on this? Why go through these phases of despondency and hopelessness? Why even bother? If it were all about me, I'd give up the pro-choice movement right this second and become an anti-choicer. That way, I wouldn't have to worry about anyone who I might be hurting. I wouldn't have to worry about inadvertently trampling over those who are less privileged than I. I wouldn't have to worry about human rights or animal rights or anyone's rights except for the all mighty white cis men's rights, and hey, that's easy because they already rule the whole damn world. All I would ever have to worry about was power and how to get more of it. That is exactly what I will do if I decide that the whole world is about me.


The thing is, I know it's not all about me. I am just one person among billions; if I died right now the world wouldn't even bat an eyelash. I refuse to make the time I have all about me, because then it would all be futile. This requires so much energy, but I pray that I might make some difference in the whole scheme of things. I think back to other activists: Martin Luther King Jr., for example. How easy was it for him? Not very, I would imagine. Hatred is easy and love can be hard. There is no love in the anti-choice movement. Being an anti-choice activist is easy, but I sure as hell am not going to take the easy way out.

What Choice Means To Me

(potential trigger warning)

Today is Blog For Choice Day. Anti-choicers have decided to get creative this year and have declared it "Ask Them What They Mean By Choice Day" (such a beautiful, eloquent title, is it not?) I know that they're not actually interested in an answer; if they were, they'd already have it. However, I am going to humor them. This is what I mean by choice:

To me, choice means having the freedom to enjoy your sexuality without ridicule and judgment. It means receiving quality sex education and not being left in the dark about something you live with every day: your own body. It means having access to birth control and having the knowledge to use it correctly. It means being trusted with knowing whether or not you want children. It means that, as long as everything is consensual, you are able to have no partners, one partner, two partners, or 6 partners without having your character judged solely on how you choose to lead your sex life. It means being able to embrace your sexuality, or lack thereof, without being told that you are wrong or sinful just for being human.


Choice means having your "no" taken seriously. It means aboloshing the "no means yes" culture, being able to live a day without being in fear of being assaulted, being able to go on a date without wondering if your date will rape you later. It means that, if you are raped, a person's first reaction will not be "what were you wearing?" but "how can I help?" It means being able to live your life without people trying to take ownership of your life and your body. In a world where our choices are respected, bodily autonomy will be sacred. We will rule our own bodies; they will no longer be ruled by those who are considered more valuable than us.


To me, choice means not having to worry about being devalued as soon as you get pregnant. It means having people treating you like a person instead of a pregnancy. It means not being bullied because you are not the perfect pregnant woman, the perfect mother, or the perfect spouse. It means having a full range of birthing options and being able to choose these without pressure. It means not being pressured or forced into having an unwanted c-section, and not being chastised for feeding your baby in public.


Choice means not ending up in a CPC and being pressured to not only go through the pregnancy, but to surrender your child for adoption. It means to not being treated like a breeding machine by the adoption industry. It means being given all of the facts about adoption so that your decision will be an informed one. It means reforming the adoption industry so that mothers have rights over their children. It means, simply: NO MORE COERCION.


Not surprisingly (and this is probably what you'd been waiting for), choice includes abortion rights. This means more than keeping abortion legal; it means making it accessible. It means destroying stigma so that women are free to speak out about their experiences. It means funding abortion, because poor women deserve liberty, too. It means recognizing that women are not selfish for wanting to follow their dreams (have you ever heard a man being called selfish for wanting this?) It means recognizing the fact that, no, women are not monsters if they get pregnant and choose abortion, even if the woman was not using contraception, and women still are not monsters if they have more than one abortion. It means accepting the fact that women are people, and that we are entitled to rule our own bodies.


And this is just a part of what choice means to me. This post is unfinished; it would be impossible for me to finish it. Choice is liberty, and anything less than this is, well, anti-choice.

Who Am I?

Let's play a little game. I'm going to pretend to be someone I'm not and you're going to try to guess who I am. Ready? Okay, let's go.


----------------------------------


I disrespect women. I yell vulgar things at them to make them feel uncomfortable, and the only reason I do it is because they're living their lives the way they want to and I don't like that. Some people argue that I do this for women, but I'm really just against women. People will argue that my disgusting actions are justifiable because the woman was doing something or carrying herself in a manner that some people find unacceptable. My actions hurt women; They make them cry, feel uncomfortable, feel angry, etc. The sole reason for doing what I do is to intimidate women into living their lives in a way that suits my wants and needs. Who am I?



There are two answers. Ready to see if you got it right?










Answer 1:
A street harasser

Answer 2:
An abortion clinic protester

+100 if you got one, +200 if you got both :)

Safe, Legal, and Common

"Let's make abortion safe, legal, and rare!"

..how many times have you heard that?


This is a problematic saying. It portrays abortion as a problem, as a bad thing that must be rare. It diverts the attention from the unwanted pregnancy, which is a problem, to abortion, which should serve as a solution to a problem. Is chemotherapy bad? No, but cancer is. Is Advil bad? No, but headaches are. Is abortion bad? Not unless the abortion is unwanted/forced/coerced (in which case it'd be awful, just like forced pregnancy). It's the unwanted pregnancy that is the problem.


We will have as many abortions as we need at any given time. Right now we have about 1.2 million abortions a year in the US, and hey, what do you know? That's how many we need.. That's the 'right' number for right now. When we construct a society that supports pregnant women/girls and teaches kids real sex ed, the number of abortions we'll need will probably go down. Or maybe, one day, the number of abortions we'll need will go up for whatever reason. The important thing to remember is that the high number of abortions we have is not a tragedy, it's simply necessary. You could describe unwanted pregnancies as a tragedy. You could describe lack of sex education a tragedy. However, abortion itself is not the bad thing. Abortion is a blessing.


Again, when I say that, I'm certainly not talking about forced/coerced/unwanted abortions. Just like forced pregnancies, forced abortions are tragedies. However, that does not make abortion as a whole a tragedy. Rape happens, but no one ever describes sex as a tragedy. Forced pregnancy happens, but no one ever describes pregnancy itself as a tragedy. The coercion/force makes a huge difference. It's the same difference between sex and rape and between borrowing and stealing.


I'll go ahead and say it; I freaking love abortion. Abortion is amazing. It's beautiful. I thank God that I have this right, even though I never suspect that I'll have to use it (but hey.. who suspects an unwanted pregnancy anyway). Choice is empowering. An unexpected pregnancy does not scare me so much because I know I have the power to choose. I think, if I got pregnant, I'd choose to parent, and I thank God that abortion is legal because otherwise I would not have that choice. Parenting would simply be forced upon me. Even as a woman who would probably go through an unexpected pregnancy, I LOVE ABORTION. Yes, abortion is common. No, that is not some kind of tragedy. Unless you'd describe or portray the rate of chemotherapy as a tragedy, please don't describe abortion as one. Let's focus on the actual problems, and the problem is not abortion.

An Open Letter to Abortion

Dear Abortion:

I've never met you, and I've never had an abortion, but I love you. You're amazing. Even though I've never had any direct experiences with you, my life wouldn't be the same without you. You see, now I don't have to be terrified of becoming pregnant. It's not even that I'd necessarily choose you if I did become pregnant, it's just that I know if I do become pregnant, my freedom will still be there. I will have a choice. You see, to me, having a wanted pregnancy when abortion is illegal is sort of like having sex with a person who I knew would just rape me if I told him to stop. It'd be terrifying and violating. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the experience at all. You're so special.


Sometimes, people like to portray you as a horrible thing. I really do not like that sentiment. Unwanted pregnancy is a bad thing, lack of education is a bad thing, poverty is a bad thing. You are not a bad thing, abortion. You are amazing!


Sometimes people are forced/coerced into having you. That's awful, and if you were a person and capable of thought I'm sure you would want people to have you only when they want to have you. I'm sure you'd want to be there for women, not hurt them. Sadly, you have no choice, with you not being a sentient being and all that, so some women are forced into having you, anyway.


Some people want you to be dangerous for some reason. Not pro-choicers, though. We want you to be safe and legal, and we're fighting to keep you that way. After all, we know that you'll exist whether you're legal or illegal, because you're necessary in our society. We need you. It's that simple.


You're different than a lot of other surgeries. There are so many different emotions concerning you, some good, some bad. This is especially true when it comes to the women who have abortions. Some women treat their abortion very casually, and that's okay. Some women feel tremendous remorse after their abortion, and it's not a good thing that they're suffering, but their feelings are just as valid as any other woman's. Women who are in pain are allowed to be in pain because, hey, we're individuals with individual emotions. Some women feel thrilled about their abortions. That's okay, too! Not everyone loves you, abortion. That's fine. That doesn't make you any less amazing in my eyes.

With much love,
ProChoiceGal

Engaging: Is It Really Helpful?

I watched part of the "Open Hearts Open Minds" conference earlier. "Open Hearts Open Minds" is a conference featuring both pro-choicers and anti-choicers, and its goal is to find "common ground" and to "bridge the abortion divide" between the two movements. It got me thinking about different methods of activism, and whether or not engaging with antis is really even worth it.

They way I channel my passion for equal rights has changed drastically in the past few years. I used to spend my time arguing with people who believed that women shouldn't have the right to vote (yes, those people are still around). I eventually moved more towards fighting against gender roles, and after that I really focused on reproductive rights. Throughout all of these "phases", I'd engage with those on the other side. I used to spend a lot of energy doing that. I used to argue with antis pretty much non-stop. You see, I've found that arguing with antis, particularly anti-choice activists, is a lot like arguing with people who don't believe in a woman's right to vote. Their beliefs tend to be extreme and their minds tend to be absolutely dead set on staying the way they are. Their arguments tend to be very focused on sexist beliefs and insults. Whether I'm debating with the person who believes that women shouldn't have the right to vote or with the person who believes that women shouldn't have bodily autonomy, I've found that these discussions usually go absolutely nowhere.


There are exceptions, of course. There is always the possibility that you'll come across a fence sitter, or even an anti-choice activist who is willing to listen and whose heart may be changed. Now, of the anti-choice activists I've spoken with, I've found maybe two who were actually pleasant to speak to, so if I were ever to go back to the "engage with everyone" type of activism, I wouldn't get my hopes up on finding activist antis to engage with. However, I have the utmost respect for my fellow reproductive justice warriors who do have the time and energy to try to reach out to antis, even those who seem too far away to reach out to.


Attempting discussion with people who obviously do not want to discuss takes time and energy which is, to me, better spent trying to help women in more direct ways. I have found that channeling my energy more towards types of activism that don't involve engaging with antis directly gets more work done. However, this is not true for all pro-choice activists. Some of my activist friends choose to engage with seemingly hopeless antis. I say, all the more power to them. We need all types of activism in the pro-choice movement. Each activist has his or her strengths and weaknesses, and we should utilize these individual strengths to the best of our abilities. There are so many different types of activism, and I don't find it helpful to label some types "better" than other types. It's hard for someone like me to imagine, but hey, maybe engaging with antis really is useful, so why not use that to our advantage?

A Fallen Hero

Last Friday, abortion provider Dr. William Harrison of Arkansas died of Leukemia.


It always hurts when an abortion provider dies. I didn't know Dr. Harrison personally, but my heart breaks when I think of all of the people he left behind. He left behind not only friends and family, but so many women as well. Now it's just that much harder for women in that area to access abortion, now it's one more roadblock for women seeking abortion.


I burned a candle and prayed for Dr. Harrison the other day. I took my moment of silence, and it'd be great for other people to do the same. However, let a moment of silence be just that- a moment. After that moment of silence, be loud and be active, because I'm sure that's what would make our fallen heroes proud. No one will ever take Dr. Harrison's place as a unique member of society, but we can do something, and that's what I'm asking of you. Let's do something to bring reproductive justice to America. Let's make our fallen heroes and our heroes still standing proud.

Speaking Out: How to Make Life Easier for Rape Survivors

In case you haven't heard or read about it, some guy wrote an article calling the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson "soft pornography" and called for parents to 'protect' their children from immorality by getting involved and getting the book (among other books) banned.


Now, I've never read this book (I haven't gathered up the courage, I'm honestly afraid it'd be triggering for me) but from the summaries I've read, Speak is about a high school girl named Melinda who is raped and becomes depressed (as many rape victims do after their rapes). As the title suggests, this book is about SPEAKING OUT about rape. It's about giving rape survivors a voice. To think that anyone could consider this book sexually exciting is SICK and disturbing.


Something that I love about this book (even though I've never read it) is that it sounds like it really captures how hard it is for rape survivors to speak out. We live in a society that shames rape survivors who speak out. Many rape survivors have no support system whatsoever. Sometimes, a rape victim is lucky enough to have someone in hir* life who is supporting and helpful. However, far too often, this isn't the case. Many people have no idea how to treat rape survivors so they end up treating us like monsters instead of real people who have suffered through one of the worst crimes imaginable.


It's been years since I've been raped and speaking out is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am one of those rape survivors that has no support system due to "friends" who suddenly became jerks as soon as I told them about the rape. Another reason that it's hard as hell for me to speak out is because I'm involved in the activist community, and this of course can get me some enemies. These enemies will take EVERY SHOT IMAGINABLE at me. They've taken shots at me for being raped. They've taken shots at me for speaking up about and against rape. They took shots at me when Gabby died. They take shots at me when I tweet about family or personal problems. Quite frankly, I'm exhausted. I hardly ever let anything an anti says get to me, but when I'm constantly beaten down for speaking out, what can you expect to happen? Speaking to my friends about the rape is no better, no less hurtful.


I am so tired. I've found that things are not as bad when I just shut up instead of speaking out. The problem with this is that healing doesn't come with silence. I have never in my life heard of a person who has been able to heal from any kind of traumatic experience by being silent. At best, silence will keep a person right where he or she is. She won't get better, and with luck she might not get worse.


..but why the hell should a rape survivor have to choose between getting worse and the possibility of staying right where she or he is? Why isn't getting better an option for so many people?


You can help give rape survivors another option. You can be the deciding factor as to whether or not a rape survivor suffers for the rest of hir life or whether she or he finds healing, hope, and the ability to move forward. Speaking out can, and should, be a healing experience. But it won't be unless you let it.


When speaking with a rape survivor about hir rape:

Don't:

1) Tell hir that s/he should be "over it". Rape can take many years for a person to recover from. Telling a rape survivor that hir mourning is taking too long isn't going to stop hir from mourning, it's just going to make hir hide hir mourning from you.

2) Tell a rape survivor that s/he is "playing the rape card". This should speak for itself. This is another way or telling a person that he or she is wrong for being in pain, and it does not make the pain go away, it just makes the problem worse.

3) Promote any kind of rape apologism, including, but not limited to:
a. "You were asking for it!"
b. Promoting submission to rapists as a type of "rape prevention" ie "Women should never take walks alone"
c. Blaming the victim in any way, shape, or form by telling hir that she or he could/should have done something to prevent the ordeal, that she shouldn't have been wearing that skirt, that she shouldn't have been making out with that guy if she didn't want to have sex with him, etc.

4) Treat the victim like a freak.

5) Try to convince a rape survivor to do what you want her to do if she gets pregnant.

6) Say "men can't be raped!"

7) Say "women can't rape!"

8) Doubt the victim, tell hir that she or he is lying about being raped.

9) Use the rape against him or her because you consider that person an "enemy".

10) Ask "why didn't you report him to the police?" or say "I wonder how many more people he has raped because you didn't report him to the police."


Do:

1) Offer unconditional love and support.

2) Be the shoulder that she or he can cry on.

3) Support hir with whatever choice s/he makes with a possible pregnancy.

4) Assure hir that s/he did nothing to cause the rape, that the rape is 100% the rapist's fault no matter what kind of clothes the victim was wearing, if s/he was drinking, if s/he was alone, etc.

5) Treat hir like you treated hir before the rape. Offer to take hir out to dinner, shopping, to the movies, etc.

6) Assure hir that there is no such thing as taking "too long" to "get over" the rape.

7) And seriously, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. If you're going to be a jerk or if you're looking for a debate about rape, it's your turn to be silent because rape survivors are kept silent far too much. Let us SPEAK.



*gender neutral pronoun

Pressure

Recently, it occurred to me how hard it would be to make a choice if I were to become pregnant, mainly because I have so many people in my life who are against me making a choice at all. It occurred to me that most of the support that I have (outside of activism world, of course) is incomplete support; most of my supporters will only support me if I do what they want me to do. That works out just fine for me if I happen to want the same things that they want, but if I don't, chaos ensues.


Pressure seems like a normal aspect of a woman's life. "Don't have sex before marriage! Have sex with me, or else you're a bitch! Don't get pregnant (whether she wants to or not)! Don't have an abortion! Don't go through the pregnancy! Don't drink/smoke while pregnant! Don't have a homebirth! Don't breastfeed in public! Don't raise your child that way!" In other words, we constantly have people barking orders at us, telling us to "Submit! Submit! Submit!" This goes far beyond sex, pregnancy, and parenting. No matter what we do, we can be sure that we'll have someone there in the background telling us to do it their way. This holds especially true for women who are not as privileged as others, such as poor women, trans women, women of color. The less privileged you are, the more people you get who will try to exert their power over you. The less privileged you are, the more people you get who will try to get you to submit their wishes and their commands.



What these people are forgetting is that they do not live our lives. They do not have to live with our choices, and if they do, they live it in a very minuscule way compared to how we have to live with our own choices. So, if I get pregnant, how am I going to be able to live with my choice (whether I choose to go through the pregnancy or end it) when the people around me, who are supposed to support me and love me unconditionally, make me feel as if I have no choice at all? What if I do end up going through my pregnancy, and I live the rest of my life wondering if I even made the right choice, or if I just did what I did due to pressure from my parents/other loved ones? How can I live with my choice when I felt that I had no choice at all? What then?

Sex Ed: More Important Than Algebra!

First and foremost, I'd like to make something clear. I love my parents. I love them to death. I really do. I am extremely grateful for all they've done for me and I'm grateful for (and extremely surprised at) the fact that they've been able to put up with me for as long as they have.


However, they're no where near perfect. No one is, of course, but there has always been something lacking in my relationship with my parents: communication and education. Whenever I speak to my parents about any difficult subject, whether that subject is human rights, abortion, TBLG rights, and in particular, my own body, there is always a lot of awkwardness throughout the whole conversation, and my parents are always quick to change the subject. This made some aspects of my life very difficult.


I started my period somewhere in between the ages of 8-10. I should have known what was going on with my body. I shouldn't have been reduced to tears, thinking that I was bleeding to death. I shouldn't have been terrified to go to my parents for help. I shouldn't have had to figure out what was going on on my own. But that was not the case, I did have to find out on my own, and I was terrified. Now, I understand that I got my period at a young age and that I got it before most people probably get their periods, but why shouldn't an 8 year old know about her period? Why should she have to find out the hard way?


This lack of education never stopped. Again, I love my mom and dad to death, but I just can not understand why they would choose to let me "learn" about my body all by myself, with only the internet to turn to. With the internet, I "learned" a lot about sex. I learned that you can get pregnant if you swallow sperm. I learned that all men have penises and all women have vaginas (genital essentialism). I learned that, for a penis to be acceptable, it has to be very large. I also learned that enjoyable sex is impossible if the penis (assuming a penis is involved) is not very large. I learned that, if my partner masturbates, I don't really need to use protection because I can't get pregnant. I learned that if you jump up and down after having unprotected sex you greatly reduce your chances of becoming pregnant. I learned that sex is an obsession for men and a chore for women, and that if I have sex and am not enjoying it then that's okay and normal because women aren't supposed to enjoy sex anyway. I learned that "vagina" and "penis" are dirty words. I learned that diseases "leak through" condoms so you might as well have unprotected sex anyway. I could go on, but I think you get the point. I learned a lot of scary crap, and a lot of it was reinforced by abstinence only "education". If I had never come across reliable pro-choice, pro-reproductive freedom websites, I would probably still believe all of this.


The scariest part about all of this is the fact that I know that what I went through is not rare at all. I've met so many other people, young people and adults alike, who have come to me with questions, and I am absolutely appalled by some of the misconceptions that these people have. I've heard other people speaking to each other about sex and the misconceptions that they have are not at all unlike the misconceptions that I had before finding proper sources to learn from. It's not their fault, though. They have been failed by other people and by the government, they're just using the only resources that they have to learn.


A common misconception about sex education is that, if you don't teach a child about their bodies, then no one will. WRONG. Children and teenagers are not only very curious, they also have a lot of influence about sex from other sources, sources that you likely don't want children to learn from. When you choose not to teach a child about hir* own body, you are not choosing to protect hir "innocence", you're choosing to let hir learn from gossip, myths, magazines, and porn. Mom and dad, is that how you wanted me to learn? Really?


I will never understand why sex education is not considered acceptable in our society. What do you think is more relevant to a person's life: sex, relationships, the body and how it works, gender identity, rape prevention (and I mean real rape prevention, not "ladies, always walk with a buddy!" type of "prevention"), or algebra? Honestly. Algebra is important, sure, but how often do we do it outside of anything school/college related? We all live with and use our bodies every single second of every single day of our lives. Despite this fact, our society values math education more than sex education. Why?


*gender neutral pronoun

Beautiful

As a musician, music is a huge part of my life. I don't enjoy not only playing music, but listening to music.

After I was raped, music helped me cope. A lot. I just adored (and still do adore) zoning out and listening to a song to distract me from "real life".

Today, I want to share an amazing song by Christina Aguilera called "Beautiful". I relate to this song so much, it nearly makes me cry every time I listen to it. It wasn't intended to be about rape, I'm sure, but regardless, it's still such a healing song for me. There are some days that I get up and I feel like I can't breathe because I'm being suffocated by the rape culture. This song makes me feel a bit better :) enjoy!



The lyrics:

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Tryin' hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?

'Cause you are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
No matter what we do
(No matter what we say)
No matter what we say
(We're the song that's outta tune)
(Full of beautiful mistakes)

(And everywhere we go)
And everywhere we go
(The sun will always shine)
The sun will always, always shine!
(But tomorrow we might awake on the other side)

'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

As If! Another Post About Rape

Imagine this:

You're walking back home with a friend from a night out. It's pretty late, and it's pitch black outside. Your friend sees a woman walking on the other side of the street, and he comments on this by saying "She's asking to get killed."

Yeah. Right.

No one ever says that. No one ever claims that people ever "ask" to be murdered. If a person did say that, people would recognize that statement as unacceptable. People would speak out.

So why on Earth is it acceptable, in our society, to claim that a woman "asks for" rape?

Recently, I saw this ad via The Curvature.




Yes, yes, yes! Exactly! Rape apologism is apart of our culture. People don't realize how stupid and hateful the things that they say are. People don't notice how inane the statement that "she's asking for it" is.

Every time I hear someone stating that a woman is "asking for it", my heart skips a beat or two. Why is rape treated as an acceptable crime? Most people will say that rape is bad. However, those same people will also make exceptions for that belief. She's wearing a short skirt? She's asking for it. Walking alone? Partially her fault. Saying that rape is bad and that you're against it doesn't mean crap when you go on to promote rape in more discreet ways. I've lost (or rather, let go) a few "friends" because of comments like these. They usually throw a fit and tell me that I'm overreacting. Tell me, how can I trust a person who openly states that women deserve or "ask for" rape? How can I put my trust in a person who is presenting him or herself as a potential rapist by promoting rape in very significant, ways? Why should I put my own health and well being in grave danger just because you're too self important to educate yourself?

Well, I won't deal with it anymore. People have to learn to clean up their act and accept the fact that the rape culture can be, and probably is, a part of them, too. We live in a rape culture. We all grew up in a rape culture. How is it that people think that they're special and have suddenly escaped the rape culture, without any effort on their part?


I wish the US had anti-rape ads like these.

Just for Laughs

Real mature, huh? Think she's going to call me a big fat meanie head for posting this? Oh, and I'm not even going to go into how she's playing on the myth that anti-choicers can be feminists.

Oops.

I haven't posted anything since the 11th, and now it's the last day of June. Oops! Sorry guys and gals. I'll try and have something up soon.

To make myself feel less horrible about abandoning my blog, I'm going to link to my last Abortion Gang post. This one is a letter to anti-choicers. I hope you enjoy it! :)

Who Cares About Pregant Women?

Whenever reproductive justice is debated among anti-choicers and pro-choicers, the question of who really cares about pregnant women comes up very often. I don't know why I have to go over this. Even anti-choicers know that the anti-choice movement does not care about pregnant women. Some of them care about fetuses, I'm sure, but I'd bet that most of them don't care about anyone but themselves. But, just for the hell of it, I'm going to entertain this question. Who really cares about pregnant women?

When Angie Jackson tweeted about her abortion, how did anti-choicers react? Who were the ones who called her a whore, a slut, a murderer, a skank, a baby killer, a self-centered bitch, a ho, and a hooker? Who were the ones who sent her (and are still sending her) death threats? Uh, not pro-choicers.

When a rape survivor tells her story of her rape and when she says that the only reason she's alive today is because she didn't get pregnant, because she surely would have committed suicide had she been forced through a rape pregnancy, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who completely ignore everything that she has said and tell her that everything would have been fine and dandy if she were violated for another nine months? Who are the ones who recognize the fact that she'd be dead today if she had gotten pregnant and go on to show their apathy for life? Yet again, not pro-choicers.

When the subject of birthing rights comes up, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who claim that women don't need birthing rights, they already have the right to give birth, ignoring the fact that many women are forced or pressured into having unnecessary c-sections and are not given adequate information about their birthing choices? Not pro-choicers.

When a woman shares her abortion story and states that she does not regret her abortion, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who tell her that her experience and emotions are invalid? Who are the ones who, having had known this woman for a time period of five to ten minutes, tell her that they know that she'll regret her abortion (because they apparently know her so much more than she knows herself)? Hmm, yet again, not pro-choicers.

When the subject of bodily autonomy comes up, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who say that, when a woman becomes pregnant, it's no longer her body? Who are the ones who openly state that pregnant women don't have their own bodies, and that their bodies are property of fetuses (or the government)? Not pro-choicers.

Anti-choicers, get real. Stop kidding yourself. This isn't about pregnant women for you, because if you truly cared about them, you'd be pro-choice, and you know that.

Surely, an anti-choicer will come along and tell us of a pregnant woman who wanted to go through her pregnancy, who an anti-choicer kindly helped by offering her a place to stay, buying her clothes, etc. It's great when a person helps a pregnant person who wants to go through her pregnancy, I applaud that. But, to me, if you treat every woman who has or wants to have an abortion like crap (see examples above), it doesn't matter how many pregnant woman you provide a place to stay for or how many pregnant women you buy maternity/baby clothes for. You can't treat some pregnant woman well and then pretend that you care about all of them.

One out of three women has an abortion in her lifetime. You either treat all pregnant women with respect or you lose credibility, and guess what antis? You've lost all of your credibility when it comes to loving pregnant women.

My Abortion Dream

Recently, I've been having a lot of dreams. Some are normal, some are weird, some are depressing, some are interesting and meaningful, some are very happy. A few of my dreams have really stuck out to me. One dream I've had recently has been about abortion.

In my abortion dream, I was a probably about 14 or 15 years old. I was pregnant, terrified, and my parents were planning on forcing me through the pregnancy, leaving me with no options whatsoever. I was absolutely desperate to get an abortion, but I had no way to access one. However, I found a way to get out of the house and find a clinic. It was a very small, cramped, cozy, clinic with a warm, welcoming staff. I entered the clinic, in tears, begging for help. I had no money. I was required to tell my parents before I got an abortion (parental notification laws), but I knew I couldn't. I didn't even make an appointment. But I needed help, and the abortion clinic workers could see that. One of the nurses told me that I could have my abortion, and my parents would never have to know. She took me to a waiting room, where there were a lot of other girls and women waiting to terminate their pregnancies. They were happy, making jokes, and they immediately welcomed me into their group. They calmed me down and dried my tears, and when it was my turn to have an abortion, they accompanied me to the surgical room (yeah.. all of them. It was a dream, okay? :-p)

Then, I met the doctor. He was elderly with whitish gray hair, and he had the sweetest smile in the world. He was the most loving person I had ever met. He had a certain aura to him that reminded me of a kind, loving grandfather. He introduced himself and asked me if I felt okay and wanted to do this. I said yes. He then performed the abortion on me. It was completely pain-free, physically and emotionally. Immediately after it was done, I was reminded that I had no money to pay him. I started freaking out again, and he calmed me down by saying "Don't worry. I have it covered". My dream ended shortly after that.

Normally, my dreams have no profound effect on me. However, this dream left me with a very fresh, happy feeling. I felt satisfied and complete.

I aspire to be like the doctor in my dream. I know that not all of it is realistic. I know that my patients probably won't be laughing and making jokes with each other the entire time. I know that not all of my patients will leave my clinic feeling fresh and satisfied, and that's okay. I know that I'll have to deal with tragic cases, such as the rape survivor who got pregnant, the woman with a wanted, but life threatening pregnancy, or the girl who is just trying to escape her abusive relationship. I know that, for some women, having an abortion is an easy choice. For others, not so much. I also know that, despite all of this, I will never give up on my patients. I will love them unconditionally and do my best to make their abortion experience as positive as possible. I will try to do that much, and no less.

Remembering Dr. Tiller

One year ago today, it was a calm, bright, Sunday morning. I had nothing planned for that day. It was a lazy, relaxing, uneventful day for me. I was expecting it to stay that way.

Then, I heard the news that shattered my heart into a million pieces. A doctor dead by the hands of not just one assassin, but one deadly movement. They call themselves "pro-life", and if you don't do what they tell you to do, they will kill you. Today, they will weep their crocodile tears and hide behind their label, "pro-life". Then they will go on to promote killing by promoting the outrageous idea that doctors are "mass murderers" and "baby killers", when in fact the people who are responsible for murder are these "pro-lifers" themselves.

One year ago today, we lost a true American hero. We lost a man who saved dreams and lives, a man who eased and prevented suffering, a man who, for many women, was the shining star in the worst week of their lives, a man whose legacy will live on in my heart for the rest of my life.

One year ago today, America lost a friend. He was a friend to other doctors, to his patients, to his colleagues, and to women everywhere. We lost him because he was a friend. We lost him because he helped people. We lost him because the anti-choice movement hates to see a pregnant woman get help. They hate to see her get that help, so they destroy her only source for help.

I always hear talk of the hope that other doctors will "replace" Dr. Tiller. This will never happen. Maybe someone can take his place as a physician, but when we lost Dr. Tiller, someone lost a husband, a father, a grandfather, a best friend. No one can take Dr. Tiller's unique place in this world. No one.

Today, I'm asking myself this: How many more doctors will have to die? How many more doctors will be assassinated before America (and the rest of the world) recognizes the anti-choice movement for what it is- a large terrorist group? How many more people will have to lose their spouses, their fathers or mothers, their uncles and aunts, before we can bring this terrorism to a halt? How many more clinics will be bombed? How many more doctors will have to live their lives in fear of terrorism, just because they choose to help women?

Dr. Tiller was a man who, in the words of Dr. Warren Hern, represented a thought. He represented dignity, he represented the opportunity for women to become full citizens and participants in our society, he represented social change. Dr. Tiller represented the value of human life. He represented freedom, and that is why he's dead today.

Dr. Tiller is physically dead, but please don't let his memory die along with his physical being. I am going to let Dr. Tiller live on in my heart and in my actions, and I'm asking you to do the same.

God bless you Dr. Tiller.

For those who hate the comment moderation system..

..well, I'm not here to please you. If I leave the comment moderation system up, people will complain. If I take it down, people will complain. Please understand that I did not create this blog to try to please everyone.

My problem is now that people are trying to use unrelated posts to complain about the comment moderation system. Well, here is your place to complain. Don't use my other posts, because I don't like for them to be derailed. Tell me how much you hate not having spam on my blog here, I don't mind.

Hatred Fuels Their Souls

Anti-choicers seem to love hating people. It almost seems like a game to them. Pick any group of completely innocent people, and find a reason to hate them. Trans people? They hate them. Pregnant people? They hate them. Rape survivors? Well, they apparently hate them, too!

The subject of rape tends to come up a lot with me, particularly when I'm speaking about abortion. Rape and forced pregnancy are so closely tied together, it's difficult to avoid the connection. Both are extreme violations of bodily autonomy, and I will fight against both for as long as I live.

However, I've noticed a bit of a trend. Whenever I mention rape, speak about my own rape, or call an anti out on his or her rape apologism (without even mentioning abortion), they go berserk. This is when they start calling me names, this is when they tell me to "shut up", this is when they tell me that I'm playing the "victim card". This is when they imply that I'm stupid. This is when they call me a rapist and/or a rape apologist. This is when they call me a whore, delusional, paranoid, psychotic, pathetic, a "little bitty girl", a nut, and a Nazi.

Oh, and by the way, I made none of that up. Those are some of the things that anti-choicers have said to me recently. Aren't they so peaceful?

All of this has got me thinking; What is it about rape that gets these people so riled up? Why do they get so angry when I advocate against rape? Well, I have a few ideas.

My first thought is that they will obviously be pro-rape. You either believe in bodily autonomy or you don't. Anti-choicers obviously don't believe in bodily autonomy when it comes to pregnancy, so why in the world would they believe in it when it comes to sex? They have no reason to. If they're okay with traumatizing women with a pregnancy, they'll also be okay with traumatizing women with rape.

My next thought is that this hatred comes from the fact that many rape survivors go against their agenda. Rape survivors easily debunk the "all women who have abortions are dirty little sluts" sentiment. They see me tell my story, and they get angry. My story is of a 14 year old who got raped who would have surely killed herself if she got pregnant and was forced through her pregnancy. This angers them. They only care to hear about the young teenagers who are raped and are overwhelmingly happy about carrying a rape pregnancy. That's great for those girls, but what about all of the others? What about the ones who are/were in my situation? Anti-choicers go as far as they can to silence those who can not be exploited to advance an anti-choice agenda. Every time I speak about my rape experience, an anti-choicer straight up tells me to "shut up". It's very obvious that they're trying to silence those who are bad for the anti-choice agenda. They like to pretend that people like me don't exist. They might as well cover up their ears and scream "LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!".

The more I interact with anti-choicers, the more I am convinced that 100% of them support rape in one way or another, and I am not exaggerating. Even the ones I trust the most do this to me. They will tell women that it's their job to not get themselves raped, they will blame women for their own rapes, they will tell rape survivors that they must carry a rape pregnancy to term, they will stand by rape apologists if that rape apologist is anti-choice. I haven't met one who doesn't do anything any of those things. Not one soul.

And sadly, it doesn't surprise me. Not one bit.

Oh, and anti-choicers, don't even bother leaving rape apologist comments here. I'm telling you now, they will be deleted.