Sex Ed: More Important Than Algebra!

First and foremost, I'd like to make something clear. I love my parents. I love them to death. I really do. I am extremely grateful for all they've done for me and I'm grateful for (and extremely surprised at) the fact that they've been able to put up with me for as long as they have.


However, they're no where near perfect. No one is, of course, but there has always been something lacking in my relationship with my parents: communication and education. Whenever I speak to my parents about any difficult subject, whether that subject is human rights, abortion, TBLG rights, and in particular, my own body, there is always a lot of awkwardness throughout the whole conversation, and my parents are always quick to change the subject. This made some aspects of my life very difficult.


I started my period somewhere in between the ages of 8-10. I should have known what was going on with my body. I shouldn't have been reduced to tears, thinking that I was bleeding to death. I shouldn't have been terrified to go to my parents for help. I shouldn't have had to figure out what was going on on my own. But that was not the case, I did have to find out on my own, and I was terrified. Now, I understand that I got my period at a young age and that I got it before most people probably get their periods, but why shouldn't an 8 year old know about her period? Why should she have to find out the hard way?


This lack of education never stopped. Again, I love my mom and dad to death, but I just can not understand why they would choose to let me "learn" about my body all by myself, with only the internet to turn to. With the internet, I "learned" a lot about sex. I learned that you can get pregnant if you swallow sperm. I learned that all men have penises and all women have vaginas (genital essentialism). I learned that, for a penis to be acceptable, it has to be very large. I also learned that enjoyable sex is impossible if the penis (assuming a penis is involved) is not very large. I learned that, if my partner masturbates, I don't really need to use protection because I can't get pregnant. I learned that if you jump up and down after having unprotected sex you greatly reduce your chances of becoming pregnant. I learned that sex is an obsession for men and a chore for women, and that if I have sex and am not enjoying it then that's okay and normal because women aren't supposed to enjoy sex anyway. I learned that "vagina" and "penis" are dirty words. I learned that diseases "leak through" condoms so you might as well have unprotected sex anyway. I could go on, but I think you get the point. I learned a lot of scary crap, and a lot of it was reinforced by abstinence only "education". If I had never come across reliable pro-choice, pro-reproductive freedom websites, I would probably still believe all of this.


The scariest part about all of this is the fact that I know that what I went through is not rare at all. I've met so many other people, young people and adults alike, who have come to me with questions, and I am absolutely appalled by some of the misconceptions that these people have. I've heard other people speaking to each other about sex and the misconceptions that they have are not at all unlike the misconceptions that I had before finding proper sources to learn from. It's not their fault, though. They have been failed by other people and by the government, they're just using the only resources that they have to learn.


A common misconception about sex education is that, if you don't teach a child about their bodies, then no one will. WRONG. Children and teenagers are not only very curious, they also have a lot of influence about sex from other sources, sources that you likely don't want children to learn from. When you choose not to teach a child about hir* own body, you are not choosing to protect hir "innocence", you're choosing to let hir learn from gossip, myths, magazines, and porn. Mom and dad, is that how you wanted me to learn? Really?


I will never understand why sex education is not considered acceptable in our society. What do you think is more relevant to a person's life: sex, relationships, the body and how it works, gender identity, rape prevention (and I mean real rape prevention, not "ladies, always walk with a buddy!" type of "prevention"), or algebra? Honestly. Algebra is important, sure, but how often do we do it outside of anything school/college related? We all live with and use our bodies every single second of every single day of our lives. Despite this fact, our society values math education more than sex education. Why?


*gender neutral pronoun

Beautiful

As a musician, music is a huge part of my life. I don't enjoy not only playing music, but listening to music.

After I was raped, music helped me cope. A lot. I just adored (and still do adore) zoning out and listening to a song to distract me from "real life".

Today, I want to share an amazing song by Christina Aguilera called "Beautiful". I relate to this song so much, it nearly makes me cry every time I listen to it. It wasn't intended to be about rape, I'm sure, but regardless, it's still such a healing song for me. There are some days that I get up and I feel like I can't breathe because I'm being suffocated by the rape culture. This song makes me feel a bit better :) enjoy!



The lyrics:

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Tryin' hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?

'Cause you are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
No matter what we do
(No matter what we say)
No matter what we say
(We're the song that's outta tune)
(Full of beautiful mistakes)

(And everywhere we go)
And everywhere we go
(The sun will always shine)
The sun will always, always shine!
(But tomorrow we might awake on the other side)

'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

As If! Another Post About Rape

Imagine this:

You're walking back home with a friend from a night out. It's pretty late, and it's pitch black outside. Your friend sees a woman walking on the other side of the street, and he comments on this by saying "She's asking to get killed."

Yeah. Right.

No one ever says that. No one ever claims that people ever "ask" to be murdered. If a person did say that, people would recognize that statement as unacceptable. People would speak out.

So why on Earth is it acceptable, in our society, to claim that a woman "asks for" rape?

Recently, I saw this ad via The Curvature.




Yes, yes, yes! Exactly! Rape apologism is apart of our culture. People don't realize how stupid and hateful the things that they say are. People don't notice how inane the statement that "she's asking for it" is.

Every time I hear someone stating that a woman is "asking for it", my heart skips a beat or two. Why is rape treated as an acceptable crime? Most people will say that rape is bad. However, those same people will also make exceptions for that belief. She's wearing a short skirt? She's asking for it. Walking alone? Partially her fault. Saying that rape is bad and that you're against it doesn't mean crap when you go on to promote rape in more discreet ways. I've lost (or rather, let go) a few "friends" because of comments like these. They usually throw a fit and tell me that I'm overreacting. Tell me, how can I trust a person who openly states that women deserve or "ask for" rape? How can I put my trust in a person who is presenting him or herself as a potential rapist by promoting rape in very significant, ways? Why should I put my own health and well being in grave danger just because you're too self important to educate yourself?

Well, I won't deal with it anymore. People have to learn to clean up their act and accept the fact that the rape culture can be, and probably is, a part of them, too. We live in a rape culture. We all grew up in a rape culture. How is it that people think that they're special and have suddenly escaped the rape culture, without any effort on their part?


I wish the US had anti-rape ads like these.

Just for Laughs

Real mature, huh? Think she's going to call me a big fat meanie head for posting this? Oh, and I'm not even going to go into how she's playing on the myth that anti-choicers can be feminists.

Oops.

I haven't posted anything since the 11th, and now it's the last day of June. Oops! Sorry guys and gals. I'll try and have something up soon.

To make myself feel less horrible about abandoning my blog, I'm going to link to my last Abortion Gang post. This one is a letter to anti-choicers. I hope you enjoy it! :)

Who Cares About Pregant Women?

Whenever reproductive justice is debated among anti-choicers and pro-choicers, the question of who really cares about pregnant women comes up very often. I don't know why I have to go over this. Even anti-choicers know that the anti-choice movement does not care about pregnant women. Some of them care about fetuses, I'm sure, but I'd bet that most of them don't care about anyone but themselves. But, just for the hell of it, I'm going to entertain this question. Who really cares about pregnant women?

When Angie Jackson tweeted about her abortion, how did anti-choicers react? Who were the ones who called her a whore, a slut, a murderer, a skank, a baby killer, a self-centered bitch, a ho, and a hooker? Who were the ones who sent her (and are still sending her) death threats? Uh, not pro-choicers.

When a rape survivor tells her story of her rape and when she says that the only reason she's alive today is because she didn't get pregnant, because she surely would have committed suicide had she been forced through a rape pregnancy, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who completely ignore everything that she has said and tell her that everything would have been fine and dandy if she were violated for another nine months? Who are the ones who recognize the fact that she'd be dead today if she had gotten pregnant and go on to show their apathy for life? Yet again, not pro-choicers.

When the subject of birthing rights comes up, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who claim that women don't need birthing rights, they already have the right to give birth, ignoring the fact that many women are forced or pressured into having unnecessary c-sections and are not given adequate information about their birthing choices? Not pro-choicers.

When a woman shares her abortion story and states that she does not regret her abortion, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who tell her that her experience and emotions are invalid? Who are the ones who, having had known this woman for a time period of five to ten minutes, tell her that they know that she'll regret her abortion (because they apparently know her so much more than she knows herself)? Hmm, yet again, not pro-choicers.

When the subject of bodily autonomy comes up, how do anti-choicers react? Who are the ones who say that, when a woman becomes pregnant, it's no longer her body? Who are the ones who openly state that pregnant women don't have their own bodies, and that their bodies are property of fetuses (or the government)? Not pro-choicers.

Anti-choicers, get real. Stop kidding yourself. This isn't about pregnant women for you, because if you truly cared about them, you'd be pro-choice, and you know that.

Surely, an anti-choicer will come along and tell us of a pregnant woman who wanted to go through her pregnancy, who an anti-choicer kindly helped by offering her a place to stay, buying her clothes, etc. It's great when a person helps a pregnant person who wants to go through her pregnancy, I applaud that. But, to me, if you treat every woman who has or wants to have an abortion like crap (see examples above), it doesn't matter how many pregnant woman you provide a place to stay for or how many pregnant women you buy maternity/baby clothes for. You can't treat some pregnant woman well and then pretend that you care about all of them.

One out of three women has an abortion in her lifetime. You either treat all pregnant women with respect or you lose credibility, and guess what antis? You've lost all of your credibility when it comes to loving pregnant women.

My Abortion Dream

Recently, I've been having a lot of dreams. Some are normal, some are weird, some are depressing, some are interesting and meaningful, some are very happy. A few of my dreams have really stuck out to me. One dream I've had recently has been about abortion.

In my abortion dream, I was a probably about 14 or 15 years old. I was pregnant, terrified, and my parents were planning on forcing me through the pregnancy, leaving me with no options whatsoever. I was absolutely desperate to get an abortion, but I had no way to access one. However, I found a way to get out of the house and find a clinic. It was a very small, cramped, cozy, clinic with a warm, welcoming staff. I entered the clinic, in tears, begging for help. I had no money. I was required to tell my parents before I got an abortion (parental notification laws), but I knew I couldn't. I didn't even make an appointment. But I needed help, and the abortion clinic workers could see that. One of the nurses told me that I could have my abortion, and my parents would never have to know. She took me to a waiting room, where there were a lot of other girls and women waiting to terminate their pregnancies. They were happy, making jokes, and they immediately welcomed me into their group. They calmed me down and dried my tears, and when it was my turn to have an abortion, they accompanied me to the surgical room (yeah.. all of them. It was a dream, okay? :-p)

Then, I met the doctor. He was elderly with whitish gray hair, and he had the sweetest smile in the world. He was the most loving person I had ever met. He had a certain aura to him that reminded me of a kind, loving grandfather. He introduced himself and asked me if I felt okay and wanted to do this. I said yes. He then performed the abortion on me. It was completely pain-free, physically and emotionally. Immediately after it was done, I was reminded that I had no money to pay him. I started freaking out again, and he calmed me down by saying "Don't worry. I have it covered". My dream ended shortly after that.

Normally, my dreams have no profound effect on me. However, this dream left me with a very fresh, happy feeling. I felt satisfied and complete.

I aspire to be like the doctor in my dream. I know that not all of it is realistic. I know that my patients probably won't be laughing and making jokes with each other the entire time. I know that not all of my patients will leave my clinic feeling fresh and satisfied, and that's okay. I know that I'll have to deal with tragic cases, such as the rape survivor who got pregnant, the woman with a wanted, but life threatening pregnancy, or the girl who is just trying to escape her abusive relationship. I know that, for some women, having an abortion is an easy choice. For others, not so much. I also know that, despite all of this, I will never give up on my patients. I will love them unconditionally and do my best to make their abortion experience as positive as possible. I will try to do that much, and no less.