Recently, I've been having a lot of dreams. Some are normal, some are weird, some are depressing, some are interesting and meaningful, some are very happy. A few of my dreams have really stuck out to me. One dream I've had recently has been about abortion.
In my abortion dream, I was a probably about 14 or 15 years old. I was pregnant, terrified, and my parents were planning on forcing me through the pregnancy, leaving me with no options whatsoever. I was absolutely desperate to get an abortion, but I had no way to access one. However, I found a way to get out of the house and find a clinic. It was a very small, cramped, cozy, clinic with a warm, welcoming staff. I entered the clinic, in tears, begging for help. I had no money. I was required to tell my parents before I got an abortion (parental notification laws), but I knew I couldn't. I didn't even make an appointment. But I needed help, and the abortion clinic workers could see that. One of the nurses told me that I could have my abortion, and my parents would never have to know. She took me to a waiting room, where there were a lot of other girls and women waiting to terminate their pregnancies. They were happy, making jokes, and they immediately welcomed me into their group. They calmed me down and dried my tears, and when it was my turn to have an abortion, they accompanied me to the surgical room (yeah.. all of them. It was a dream, okay? :-p)
Then, I met the doctor. He was elderly with whitish gray hair, and he had the sweetest smile in the world. He was the most loving person I had ever met. He had a certain aura to him that reminded me of a kind, loving grandfather. He introduced himself and asked me if I felt okay and wanted to do this. I said yes. He then performed the abortion on me. It was completely pain-free, physically and emotionally. Immediately after it was done, I was reminded that I had no money to pay him. I started freaking out again, and he calmed me down by saying "Don't worry. I have it covered". My dream ended shortly after that.
Normally, my dreams have no profound effect on me. However, this dream left me with a very fresh, happy feeling. I felt satisfied and complete.
I aspire to be like the doctor in my dream. I know that not all of it is realistic. I know that my patients probably won't be laughing and making jokes with each other the entire time. I know that not all of my patients will leave my clinic feeling fresh and satisfied, and that's okay. I know that I'll have to deal with tragic cases, such as the rape survivor who got pregnant, the woman with a wanted, but life threatening pregnancy, or the girl who is just trying to escape her abusive relationship. I know that, for some women, having an abortion is an easy choice. For others, not so much. I also know that, despite all of this, I will never give up on my patients. I will love them unconditionally and do my best to make their abortion experience as positive as possible. I will try to do that much, and no less.