Wednesday, June 9, 2010

My Abortion Dream

Recently, I've been having a lot of dreams. Some are normal, some are weird, some are depressing, some are interesting and meaningful, some are very happy. A few of my dreams have really stuck out to me. One dream I've had recently has been about abortion.

In my abortion dream, I was a probably about 14 or 15 years old. I was pregnant, terrified, and my parents were planning on forcing me through the pregnancy, leaving me with no options whatsoever. I was absolutely desperate to get an abortion, but I had no way to access one. However, I found a way to get out of the house and find a clinic. It was a very small, cramped, cozy, clinic with a warm, welcoming staff. I entered the clinic, in tears, begging for help. I had no money. I was required to tell my parents before I got an abortion (parental notification laws), but I knew I couldn't. I didn't even make an appointment. But I needed help, and the abortion clinic workers could see that. One of the nurses told me that I could have my abortion, and my parents would never have to know. She took me to a waiting room, where there were a lot of other girls and women waiting to terminate their pregnancies. They were happy, making jokes, and they immediately welcomed me into their group. They calmed me down and dried my tears, and when it was my turn to have an abortion, they accompanied me to the surgical room (yeah.. all of them. It was a dream, okay? :-p)

Then, I met the doctor. He was elderly with whitish gray hair, and he had the sweetest smile in the world. He was the most loving person I had ever met. He had a certain aura to him that reminded me of a kind, loving grandfather. He introduced himself and asked me if I felt okay and wanted to do this. I said yes. He then performed the abortion on me. It was completely pain-free, physically and emotionally. Immediately after it was done, I was reminded that I had no money to pay him. I started freaking out again, and he calmed me down by saying "Don't worry. I have it covered". My dream ended shortly after that.

Normally, my dreams have no profound effect on me. However, this dream left me with a very fresh, happy feeling. I felt satisfied and complete.

I aspire to be like the doctor in my dream. I know that not all of it is realistic. I know that my patients probably won't be laughing and making jokes with each other the entire time. I know that not all of my patients will leave my clinic feeling fresh and satisfied, and that's okay. I know that I'll have to deal with tragic cases, such as the rape survivor who got pregnant, the woman with a wanted, but life threatening pregnancy, or the girl who is just trying to escape her abusive relationship. I know that, for some women, having an abortion is an easy choice. For others, not so much. I also know that, despite all of this, I will never give up on my patients. I will love them unconditionally and do my best to make their abortion experience as positive as possible. I will try to do that much, and no less.


  1. I recall there was some laughing and joking in the waiting room.

  2. I think the feelings that we have in our dreams reflect who we really are inside, so I think you'll become a very caring abortion provider. I have dreams about having giant boobs, and I don't know how they got there. I feel confused and violated in those dreams.

  3. "so I think you'll become a very caring abortion provider."

    Thanks ♥ I'll do my best.

    Aren't there counselors/therapists who help you analyze your dreams? I've always wanted to go to one. I think it'd be soo interesting.

  4. Hi PCG,

    I have analyzed my own dreams for years and know that those dreams that may make you feel the most comforted don't mean that in real life you should act on them! I'm sure my family would be happy to know that I won't ever act on some of my more comforting dreams (:

    If interested, here are the first two meanings of abortion dreams that I found on legitimate dream dictionary sites:

    "For a woman to dream that she assents to abortion means that she is contemplating some enterprise which when carried out shall bring her disgrace and unhappiness."

    "To dream that you have an abortion, suggests that you are hindering and blocking your own growth. You may be hesitant in pursuing a new direction in your life."

    On a different note, I thought of you when I heard about the alleged rape of two women by a Packer football player and thought you might be interested in following it. I hope the full truth comes out and if he is guilty I hope he is punished to the full extent of the law.

    Peace. Praxedes

  5. Those interpretations are problematic, Praxedes, because they're one sided and obviously come from a source/person that believes negatively about abortion. If you think abortion is a bad or horrible thing, then those interpretations make sense. But for me, abortion is a wonderful thing. The events that lead up to an abortion aren't always so great, but the abortion itself should be a blessing.

    Thanks for the link.

  6. Yeah, dream interpretation is highly dependent on the perspective of the interpreter. That's why it's important for each individual to interpret their own dreams, no one can unravel the symbolism in your dreams but you (of course a professional can help).

    Your dream was so beautiful. My own abortion was a very positive experience and I know that it was due to those who worked in the clinic. Striving to provide that kind of comfort to women who are already in a depressed and confused state is such a wonderful goal.

  7. The main function of dreaming is to store long-term memories, so there's always a reason for the content and themes of our dreams, and they come from within the individual. The way you behave in a dream shouldn't be much different from how you'd behave if such a thing happened in real life, since you're still you, even in a dream. Interpreting dreams based solely on the content of the dream would only be telling part of the story. Your vantage point in the dream, how you feel, and how much control you have over the dream are other factors you have to take into consideration when interpreting dreams. For example, I have recurring dreams that I'm pregnant or have breast implants, and I have no idea how they got there. I feel very uncomfortable and violated. I try to hide the pregnancy and implants, until I figure out how to get rid of them myself. Maybe it means that I'm taking on some added responsibility (carrying extra weight, if you will) and feel weird about asking for help. Someone with the same dream might not have the same feelings, so the interpretation would be completely different. So it's best to interpret your own dreams, instead of relying on books and websites that only deal with the content.

  8. Wow, you've had one too! That seems like a really nice dream, considering all the stress of the context - 14, no money, etc. I have pregnancy/abortion dreams regularly (though less frequently now that I'm also in school and not at my job 40+ hours a week!) but they are always stressful, involving my realizing I'm pregnant several months in, or having a hard time making or keeping an appointment, etc. If anything, the visceral despair I feel in these dreams, and the anxiety upon waking, has made me understand on an even deeper level that real-life women unequivocally MUST HAVE the ability to access abortion.

    I hope you become exactly that kind of provider, too! I can't wait til women can have you for a doctor :)

  9. Thank you, placenta sandwich! :)

    I've actually had other abortion dreams, this wasn't the only one. They were all very similar to this one, though. I chose this one to write about because I could remember it with the most detail (I'm not so great at remembering dreams).

    I find it really interesting when I have a dream that's related to repro rights. It doesn't surprise me, though. Reproductive justice is my passion :)

  10. Your dream sounds like my experience. In Canada, it's covered by our universal health care. And Dr. Morgentaler is a sweet grandfatherly man.



Due to constant spam and derailing coming from a few antis, I am now making this blog a "safe place". This does not mean that I won't allow opposing views. It means that I'm not longer going to allow hateful or unrelated/spammy comments. This will continue on until the anti-choice spammers get bored with harassing me and the people who post here, and is especially relevant when it comes to the topic of rape. I hope this doesn't deter any respectful people from commenting. :)